Tale of the Possessed Pastel Plaid Underpants
by raven lynn morrigan
Summary: One-Shot. Complete. Beast Boy's finds himself with a problem after purchasing new underpants.


**this tale was inspired by a real pair of pastel plaid underpants-and that's all i'm going to say about that.**

**so i said that after 'Taking Flight' that i wasn't going to write anymore new Teen Titans stories. i wasn't lying this isn't new-it was conceived before the story Sun Shock. i've tried to write it a bakers dozen times before and couldn't make it work for one reason or another. i'm in one of those almond joy moods where i seem to crank out these types of stories much easier than when i'm in a mounds state of mind so here this one is finally finished up as a sequel to Sun Shock (which finally makes it work) and posted.**

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The Tale of the Possessed Pastel Plaid Underpants

one-shot sequel to 'Sun Shock'

Its either wash clothes, put on some dirty underpants, or go out to the store and buy new ones. The last time he tried to wash something the washer somehow exploded, and he doesn't want to risk another fiasco like that one. Silkie almost got eaten alive the last time he crawled near the pile of dirty clothes, so that rules out wearing dirty ones too. That only leaves one other option...shopping.

Cyborg watches the video feed in OPS as Beast Boy leaves the tower. "There he goes." He claps his hands and rubs them together. "This is going to be good."

"Even better than getting back at Robin for the beach trip." Raven holds up one of several new pairs of pastel plaid underpants bought dirt cheap at a closeout sale-nothing that any self respecting Teen Titan is going to want to be seen wearing in public. "He isn't going to know what hit him."

Cyborg presses a button on his arm. "Silkie operation Underpants is a go."

Silkie wearing a listening device and harness crawls through the vents at the mall until he comes to the right store. He positions himself above the register and triggers a button on the harness lowering a note a second pair of the Underpants and some money to the clerk.

The clerk looks around in bewilderment as the note slides down in front of his face. As he reads it a mischievous grin spreads across his face. He takes the items off the line then tugs on the line signaling its a deal.

Silkie retracts the line then crawls away.

Beast Boy doesn't waste any time once he enters the store. Shopping for underwear isn't anywhere near the top of his list of favorite things to do. He quickly picks up a selection of choices in his size and heads to the checkout.

As the clerk rings him up the pastel plaid selection is slipped into the bag with the others. "It is store policy that I must remind you we are unable to accept returns on unmentionables."

Beast Boy finds himself very uncomfortable with the man's grin. Its something like a psycho would have in one of those old b-grade horror movies. "What are unmentionables?"

"Your purchases."

"Oh." Beast Boy hands over the money once the total has been rung up.

"Thank you for shopping with us, have a pleasant day."

Beast Boy looks alarmed as the man's grin gets even bigger and scarier. "Sure. You too." He hurries out of the store.

The clerk manages to keep his composure until Beast Boy is well out of sight then he bursts out laughing. He retrieves the note out from under the counter and calls out to one of his co-workers. "Hey Steve come check this out."

Steve comes over and looks at the note and bursts out laughing. "Those things we could only get rid of in a closeout special? Poor kid-but I would pay to see whatever their prank is in action."

"You want to play creepy clerk number two if he comes back?"

"I couldn't keep a straight face but I want to be around to see it if he does."

Back at the tower Beast Boy sifts through the underpants he bought and comes across a pair of pastel plaid ones in pink-green-yellow-and white. He thinks it looks like a pack of after dinner mints exploded all over it and he is sure that he didn't pick those out. And even if returns were allowed he doesn't want to go anywhere near that creepy sales guy again. He tosses them in the floor with the rest of the mess. Even if he becomes desperate that is one pair he never intends to wear. Beast Boy yawns feeling very sleepy all the sudden. He collapses back on the bed snoozing away.

Cyborg turns to Raven. "Knockout gas in Beast Boys room is a go. All this cause the grass stain tried to pinch your butt before we left for the beach trip. Remind me to never get on your bad side."

Silkie crawls into OPS as Cyborg and Raven dawn gas masks. He follows close behind them as they make their way toward Beast Boy's room-this he has to see.

Once inside Cyborg opens the window letting the knock out gas air out and places a hidden camera so they can watch Beast Boy's reaction when he wakes up.

Raven uses her powers to pick up the pair of underpants discarded on the floor and slips them on Beast Boy on the outside of his uniform. She then mutters an incantation that will keep him from taking them off.

All 3 of them laugh as they quickly exit the room.

Beast Boy feels woozy as he wakes up. Its not like him to just nod off in the middle of the day like that for no reason. He stands up stretching before heading to the door-intent on going into the kitchen for a soda. He stops in his tracks as he looks down. The pastel plaid underpants he knows he threw on the floor are now on the outside of the clothes he's wearing. He shrugs wouldn't be the first time he did something crazy in his sleep. He tries to slip off the underpants only to find they won't budge. "What the?" He tries to remove them with more force but they still won't come off. He becomes frantic rolling around on the floor even shifting into several animal forms no matter what he does the underpants shift with him shrinking and growing into whatever animal form he chooses and always clearly visible-they don't disappear like his normal uniform. He shutters as he remembers the creepy grin on the sales clerk. "They must be cursed!" Beast Boy starts to go out the door and find Raven but he stops-even if she might know how to undo the curse he doesn't want Cyborg to see him in these things. Pictures would be sent to every Titan around the globe-he would never live it down. He digs around in the pile of clothes that fall out of the closet until he finds a trench coat. He slips it on and looks both ways for any sign of Cyborg before he rushes out into the hall.

In OPS Raven, Cyborg, and Silkie roll around on the floor laughing. Its Silkie that realizes Beast Boy has left his room and gets the other two to calm down.

"This is even better than I thought it was going to be." Cyborg turns to Raven. "You're on."

Raven picks up the lighting device that Cyborg made and tucks it into her sleeve before she uses her powers to phase through the walls and into her room to await Beast Boy.

Beast Boy slinks through the halls like some sort of spy expecting to find the enemy at every turn before he can escape. Finally he comes to Raven's room.

When he knocks Raven lets him sweat it out for awhile before she finally opens the door.

"Good I was beginning to think you weren't in there."

"I was meditating."

"Yeah-sorry to bother you but I could use some help."

Raven arches an eyebrow at his outfit. "If you're looking for a Watson to play Sherlock Holmes with I'm busy."

Beast Boy panics as Raven starts to turn away. "No wait! Its not that at all."

She turns back to the door. "Okay...what is it then?"

"Promise you won't laugh."

"Laugh...me? Seriously Beast Boy, when was the last time you even saw me even crack a smile?"

"When your da-never mind."

"So what is it you need help with?"

"You remember how the washer exploded last time I tried to wash clothes? And Silkie almost got ate by my dirty laundry? Well I ran out of underwear so I went out to buy more and the sale guy was so creepy-I'm talking grade a psycho material. He said I couldn't return unmentionables and when I got back to the tower I found this really awful pair that I swear I never picked out and I just tossed them away on the floor cause I wouldn't be caught dead in them if they were the last pair on Earth. So I got really sleepy-took a nap and when I woke up they were on me and now they won't come off. They stay on no matter what animal I turn into and you can still see them. I think they were cursed. Can you pretty please with sugar on top find something in one of your spell books to get them off?"

Raven stands there a moment absorbing it all as Beast Boy finally breathes again after that long explanation. "Let me get this straight. You think you bought cursed underpants."

"Yeah. You're not laughing-even you would laugh at something that crazy sounding."

"Actually I've heard of this before."

"You have?"

"There was an accident several years ago at the underpants factory during a storm on Halloween night. No knows to this day exactly why or how but when lightning struck one of the machines the underwear became possessed. They emitted some sort of fumes that made everyone fall asleep. When all the workers woke up they found the underpants on them. They couldn't even burn them off. They managed to contain most of the affected underpants not on the workers in a vault where they were locked away but they say some escaped into circulation-just waiting for an unsuspecting victim."

"Are there people still stuck in them?

"Rumor has it there was a complicated ritual that could be preformed to get them off...but I don't know what it is."

"Could you possibly phase them off with you powers?"

"I don't know Beast Boy. That may not be a good idea."

"Please."

"Alright if it means you will leave me in peace to meditate...but I'm going to need to see them."

"Why?"

"So I don't mess up and phase away something you don't want to lose."

Beast Boy gulps at the thought. "Oh...okay. Promise you won't laugh."

"Do you want me to try or not?"

Sighing Beast Boy pulls open the coat.

Raven struggles to keep a straight face. "Now it makes sense why they were possessed. Who in their right mind would wear underpants that looked like that?"

"Can you help or not?"

"Okay-keep your shorts on...sorry."

"Cute Raven."

"Okay here goes." Raven triggers the lighting device Cyborg made as she surrounds her hands with her dark aura-as she holds them out toward the underpants and surrounds them with her aura the device makes it look like the underpants are shocking her. She screams and uses her powers to fling herself backward across the room and onto her bed.

"Raven!" Beast Boy rushes over to are. "I'm sorry! Are you okay?" He waits but she doesn't say anything. "Raven?"

She moans for effect and weakly turns her head toward him. "Go back...clerk may know..."

"Know what?"

"...Ritual...get them off...hurry before its too late...and you're stuck in them...forever..." She fakes lapsing into unconsciousness.

"Forever?!"

"What is going on in here?"

Beast Boy looks up startled at Cyborg. "You should take her to the infirmary make sure she's okay. I gotta go break a curse."

"What curse?"

"No time to explain I gotta get to the store before it closes." Beast Boy rushes to the nearest exit and flies out of the tower.

"Okay he's gone."

Raven opens her eyes and sits up-only to fall back in fits of laughter. "I can't believe he bought it."

Beast Bot gets to the store just before closing time. He waits around nervously as the last customer leaves and is relieved to find a different clerk on duty this time.

"May I help you?"

Beast Boy jumps startled as he finds the creepy clerk from this morning behind him with a grin that would make even the Joker look sane. "I have a problem with my purchase this morning."

"I told you we are unable to accept returns on unmentionables."

"Yeah I got that its not why I'm here." He takes a step back from the creepy clerk. "This is going to sound crazy but there was this pair in there that I swear I would never pick out and I fell asleep and when I woke up they were on me and now they won't come off."

"Oh dear. I thought the last of those cursed things were locked away at the factory years ago."

"My friend said you may know the ritual to get them off."

"How long have you had them on?"

"Maybe an hour. I don't know how long I was asleep before I woke up."

"Come with me young man."

Beast Boy reluctantly follows the creepy clerk into the back.

"I keep some supplies handy just in case this was to ever happen again." He pulls a dusty sheet off a cart revealing a box. "Listen to me carefully young man. You don't have much time. If you don't get them off within the next few hours they will never come off."

"Never?"

The clerk pulls down the waist band of pants slightly revealing a similarly hideous pair of underpants. "I was one of the workers in the factory that stormy Halloween night. None of us that were there that night ever got them off. Most who were victims of the underpants that escaped into circulation were lucky if they could preform the ritual in time."

"What do I have to do?"

"Go to the abandoned underpants factory on the south side of the city. Everything has gone to ruin except the machine struck by lightning that night. It is there you must preform the ritual." He takes a paper from the box that appears to be old and yellowed with age. "It is all written down here. Follow it exactly." He picks up the box and shoves it into Beast Boys arms. "Do it quickly for your very sanity is at stake."

Beast Boy jumps shrieking like a girl as a stack of boxes tumble over.

The clerk shoos Beast Boy out. "Go now-hurry!"

Beast Boy makes a bee-line for the front door and runs out of the store.

Steve steps out from behind the boxes laughing. "Did you see the look on that's kids face Pete?"

"That was hilarious. I can't believe he actually fell for that story."

"You make a good actor."

The clerk takes a bow.

"South side of town abandoned underpants factory."

Several people stop and look as Beast Boy rushes by them carrying a box and wearing a trench coat in this heat.

He panics as a gust of wind pulls the paper from his hand. He runs after it grabbing it seconds before its sucked down a sewer drain. He double times it toward the factory leaving everyone in his wake wondering what the rush is about.

At the factory Cyborg and Silkie finish rigging the light show for the finale. They dawn gas masks then step back into the shadows to watch this part for themselves.

Back at the tower Raven enters Beast Boy's room and places something on top of the other underwear in the shopping bag in Beast Boy's room before phasing over to the factory joining Cyborg and Silkie. She puts on a gas mask as Beast Boy runs into the building.

Beast Boy wastes no time-most everything here is a rusted out hulk of equipment-and he quickly finds the only machine that isn't. He sets down the box and reads over the instructions. He looks through all the supplies carefully mixing up several of the powders and places a ridiculous looking belled jesters hat on his head. He reads the directions carefully then breaks out in something that at least resembles some sort of rain dance chanting at the top of his lungs as he sprinkles the powder on the machine. "Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! Boom shocka locka locka! BOOM!"

Hidden in the shadows they all try to keep silent at the ridiculous sight. Cyborg triggers the light show with the press of a button on his arm.

Beast Boy shrieks as lightning seems to strike all around emanating from the machine and sounds of thunder fill the air. He turns falling to his knees and sticking his butt up in the air as one bolt of lightning seems to shoot straight for him.

With Beast Boy distracted by the light show Raven uses her powers to tear the underpants to rags as Silkie silently but quickly creeps out with a stick and smacks Beast Boy hard on the butt then quickly retreats back to the shadows. Cyborg triggers more knockout gas.

Beast Boy gets up jumping around yelping sure that he's been struck by lightning as everything starts to die down around him. When he looks down he sees that the Underpants are nothing more than a pile of rags at his feet. This time he jumps for joy until the knockout gas puts him down for the count.

Once they are sure he is out the others break down laughing.

Raven looks over at Cyborg. "You recorded that right?"

"Oh yeah."

Raven phases Beast Boy back into his room at the tower as Cyborg and Silkie start cleaning up here.

Beast Boy wakes up in his bed at the tower wondering briefly how he got back here. He quickly jumps up to see if the underpants are still gone. He breathes a sigh of relief when he finds only his normal uniform. He is about to yell out in elation when his eyes happen upon the shopping bag. Laying on top of the rest of the underpants is the cursed pair. He jumps up on the top bunk of the bed screaming. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo!"

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**horror movie type ending with Halloween right around the corner i couldn't resist it and thus ends the this tale. its a one-shot so i'm not continuing it if you sign up for update alerts or beg for more in PMs or reviews its a waste of time. there were only three titans in this because Robin was away with Starfire on Tamaran. and i'm not doing a story about that either. i have several more stories to finish and old handwritten ones that haven't been typed up left and i'm not doing anything new until they are all dealt with. if anyone missed it in "Sun Shock" she was pregnant with his baby-i don't remember getting anyone commenting on that aspect of that story or maybe i missed it if they did. i never understood why so many people out there liked that story or why it still gets faves even now because i never thought it was very good. it was written while listening to a song called 'Out of My Head'-a Hanson demo from their Underneath Demo cd. my take on "Sun Shock" was always that it was just so stupid its funny-and perhaps that it why it does appeal to so many. i hope this one is better and it is for all of you out there that have gotten a kick out of 'Sun Shock' and faved it. while writing this story if anyone is interested i was listening to a tune from Hanson's 2008 fan club membership kit called "Letters in the Mailbox".**

**poll in my profile be sure to vote in whichever open one shows up at the time you read this. check back often its subject to change from time to time.**

**also i got a killer bbXrae multi-chapter story that i'm not gonna write first person to PM me and express interest in taking on that project gets it. but if you commit to it you gotta stick to the plot i wrote and give me the credit for the idea. and it comes with a bookcover already made.**


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